


Into The Woods

by eternaleponine



Series: Love Makes A Family [10]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Foster Care, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Thanksgiving, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21587677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaleponine/pseuds/eternaleponine
Summary: As fall heads toward winter, Aden asks to go on one last hike.  Lexa thinks nothing of it... until Madi has a meltdown at the possibility of being surrounded by trees.  As they figure out how to work through it as a family, they realize how much they have to be thankful for.
Relationships: Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Luna/Derrick (The 100)
Series: Love Makes A Family [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/763509
Comments: 42
Kudos: 242





	Into The Woods

When Aden asked if they could go hiking again, one last time before it got too cold to want to be outside for an extended period of time, Lexa saw no reason to say no. He asked for so little, and it was something they all enjoyed, as long as they didn't try anything too arduous. (Clarke wasn't a big fan of clambering up boulders and sliding down ravines, it turned out.) 

It should have occurred to her that taking Madi into the woods might be a problem.

It didn't. 

Madi seemed cheerful enough as they packed a picnic lunch and didn't question when they told her to wear her sturdiest sneakers. They always insisted on sneakers when they went to the park; they didn't want her tripping over the toe of a sandal and faceplanting, or getting her toes stepped on by another kid. She rode quietly (she did everything quietly still, most of the time) sketching with one hand and petting Cricket, who was wedged between Madi and Aden in the back seat, with the other. It was only when they parked and she looked up and saw that they weren't at the park, or Luna's, or anywhere else they'd taken her before, that she showed any signs that something might be amiss.

Aden told Cricket to stay as he climbed out, then reached back in to clip her leash on her collar. She clambered out after him, making a beeline for the grass to relieve herself even though it hadn't been a particularly long drive. 

"Come on, Madi," Lexa said, going around to the back to retrieve their packs from the trunk. 

Madi shook her head, her eyes flicking from Lexa to Clarke to the tree line over and over again, before finally settling stubbornly on Lexa. She crossed her arms and jutted her chin, making it clear she had no intention of budging. 

Lexa sighed. "Can you—" she started to say, then realized it wasn't fair for Clarke to always been the one enforcing discipline. She was responsible for Madi all day, every day, making sure she got to her appointments and did her school lessons and maybe said a few more words today than she had yesterday, which was hopefully a few more than she had the day before. But she was _their_ daughter and Lexa needed to step up.

She went around to Madi's door and reached for the handle, only to discover that Madi had figured out how to lock it. Lexa pressed the button on her key fob to unlock it, but Madi locked it again from the inside. 

"Madi, this isn't a game," Lexa said. "You need—" She stopped, remembering something she'd been taught in one of the classes she'd had to take to become a foster parent. "I need you to get out of the car now." Because Madi wasn't the one with the need, Lexa was. Clearly, what Madi needed – or what she wanted – was to stay exactly where she was. 

Madi shook her head and turned her back, effectively cutting off communication, because Lexa wasn't going to stand there shouting through the closed window. 

It took her a few seconds to remember that although she always used the little remote to open her car doors, the key that started the ignition also unlocked the doors – or at least one door. She stuck the key into the driver's side and twisted, opening the lock. Madi's head jerked up, and she reached for the button to lock her door again, but it was too late. Lexa had gotten her door open, and in doing so, regained control of the situation... or at least the car.

"Come on, Madi," Lexa said again, leaning in. "Can you please get out of the car? Your brother wants to go for a hike. It's not too far, I promise."

Madi shook her head again, holding up the sketchbook Clarke had gotten for her to show a big red scribble. If it had started out as anything else, its original form had been completely obliterated. 

"Yes," Lexa said. "This is something we're doing as a family. It's not optional."

Madi turned the page and started scribbling on a second one so hard the point of her colored pencil snapped off, and she snarled in frustration and snapped it in two, hurling both pieces away from her. One hit the back of the seat in front of her. The other narrowly missed Lexa's face, and Lexa had to take a step back, careful to leave the door open so Madi couldn't lock herself in again, to breathe and regain her composure.

"Maybe you and Aden should go ahead," Clarke said. "I'll try to talk to her."

"How?" Lexa snapped, frustration getting the better of her. "She doesn't—"

Clarke held up a hand. "I know. But you're getting angry, and that doesn't help any of us. Just head up the trail with Aden and Cricket and we'll catch up to you when Madi's ready."

"And if she isn't?"

"Then we'll try again another time," Clarke said. "It's not a big—"

"It is," Lexa said. "We're a family. We're supposed to be able to do things together. It's not fair to Aden if they're only ever the things Madi wants to do." 

Clarke's jaw clenched, and Lexa could see the muscles in her neck strain. "Please," she said finally, through gritted teeth. "We can fight about it later, if you insist. Right now, I need you to walk away."

The words stung, like salt poured into an already raw wound caused by her failure to get through to Madi, not just today but over the weeks since she'd come into their lives. Lexa was always the last to understand what Madi was trying, in her way, to tell them, and sometimes it felt like Madi was ready to give up on trying to communicate with her at all. Why bother, when Clarke and Aden already understood her perfectly? 

Lexa needed to try harder; that was all there was to it. But here she was, trying, and making it worse instead of better, leaving Clarke to clean up the mess she'd made. To be the parent Lexa didn't know how to be.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to start a fight."

Clarke sighed, seeming to deflate. "I know."

"With her either," Lexa said. "I just—I didn't think—" Lexa shook her head. "I didn't think."

"I know," Clarke said again. "Neither did I. Let's just see what we can salvage, okay? We can talk about it later."

Lexa closed her eyes, sighed, nodded. "I love you," she said softly. 

"Love you too," Clarke said. She closed the space between them, pushing up on her toes just a little to brush her lips against Lexa's. "Check on our son."

Lexa nodded and went over to where Aden was throwing a ball for Cricket, who was happily chasing it through the browning autumn grass and drifts of leaves, bringing it back a little more slobbery each time. "I'm sorry," she said when she was close enough for him to hear her. "We can go ahead. They'll catch up with us when they're ready." She tried to force a smile, but she knew it came across as half-hearted at best.

"Are you sure?" Aden asked. "We can go somewhere else. Do something else."

"I told you we could go hiking," Lexa said. 

"Yeah, but—" He glanced at where Clarke was crouched next to the car. Madi must have unlocked the rear door, because Lexa could see her knees sticking out over the side of the seat. She wasn't close enough to see her facial expression, but Lexa suspected there was a lot of pouting going on. "I don't want her to be unhappy."

"You get to be happy too," Lexa said. "I know we turned your whole world on its head bringing her into the family, but that doesn't mean that everything revolves around her from now on. You get a say, too."

Aden still looked uncertain, but he nodded and called Cricket over, clipping her leash back on and turning toward the trail head. 

They hadn't made it more than a few yards when they were frozen by the sound of an unholy screech coming from behind them, and then Lexa was yanked backward by her pack. When she turned to find out what had gotten hold of her, Madi raised her foot and stomped on Lexa's toes as hard as she could. Lexa's boot absorbed most of it, but Lexa suspected there would be a bruise on her instep by morning. "NO!" Madi screamed. "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" The words were punctuated by shoves and slaps as she tried to drive Lexa backward, back toward the car. 

Cricket started to bark, bouncing up on her hind feet, and Lexa couldn't tell if she was scared or if she thought it was a game, but the increasingly frantic nature of her bouncing and twirling made her think it was the latter. A quick glance at Aden showed his face had gone pale.

"Madi!" Clarke yelled. "Madi, stop!"

Lexa finally got her arms around Madi, pinning her flailing arms to her sides. Madi continued to thrash in her grip, but Lexa managed to get her turned around so her back was to Lexa's chest, wrapping her own arms around her, basically becoming a human strait jacket. When Madi started to kick, Lexa dropped unceremoniously to the ground so she wouldn't take any more damage to her feet or shins.

"Madi," she said, trying to sound calm when she felt anything but. "Madi, you need to stop. You're scaring Cricket." _And me. And Aden._ "You don't want to scare the pupper, do you?"

"NO NO NO!" Madi continued to howl. "NO NO NO NOOOOOO!"

"Come on, Madi," Lexa said. "You need to calm down. I need you to calm down. I know you're scared, and that's okay. It's okay to be scared. But it's not okay to hurt people, and it's not okay to hurt yourself, either. So please, please, just take a breath and calm... down..."

It took a few minutes and several repetitions of the same things: 'It's okay. You're okay. You're safe. Just breathe.' before the words finally began to sink in, and Madi's screaming subsided to ragged gasps and hiccupping breaths, punctuated with the occasional soft moan of, "No no no..."

"That's good, Madi," Lexa told her. "You're doing good." She looked up and saw Clarke standing above them, looking on helplessly like she had no idea what to do, how to handle this side of Madi that she'd never seen, not to this extent. 'Paper,' Lexa mouthed to her, and Clarke nodded and went to the car, retrieving Madi's sketchpad and colored pencils. 

"Tell me," Lexa said. "Tell me why you're so scared. What you're so scared of. It's okay." She loosened her grip so Madi could take the offered pad, her eyes locking on Clarke, and then darting around wildly as she searched for Aden. 

Lexa craned her neck around and finally spotted him back in the field, throwing the ball for Cricket like everything was okay, everything was normal, his little sister wasn't having a complete meltdown in a state park parking lot. Everything was just fine.

"It's okay," she told Madi again. "He's right there." She pointed, and Madi sunk back against her, drawing her knees up and propping the paper against them as she started to draw. At first she went slowly, each line a painstaking agony, but after a few minutes she started to draw faster, then faster still, the drawings becoming little more than sketches, outlines and scribbles, flipping from one page to the next to the next, pausing only to look around every minute or so to make sure Clarke and Aden were still where she could see them. Her shoulders jerked as she sucked in breath and swallowed down sobs, and she swiped at her cheeks over and over again to keep her tears from dropping onto the page. Finally she was done, and she sagged against Lexa like every last ounce of energy had been drained from her, leaving her a wrung out shell of herself.

Lexa picked up the sketchbook carefully, and Clarke came around so she could look over Lexa's shoulder and see whatever story Madi had told. 

As soon as Lexa saw the first page, she almost wished she hadn't asked. 

The page was divided into smaller boxes, like a comic, and Lexa knew that Clarke had been using graphic novels as part of Madi's school curriculum, showing her how a story could be told with pictures, sometimes with the help of words, but sometimes not. In the first box there was a tent, nestled in a clearing, surrounded by trees with the moon high in the sky. Around a fire was a man, a woman, and a little girl. 

In the next box it was daytime, and the man and the woman were gone, but the little girl remained. In a bubble coming from her mouth, there was the woman, followed by a question mark, and then the man, and another question mark. In the next, the little girl had left camp, still calling out for the man and the woman, and even though Lexa had never heard her say the words, she could imagine Madi wandering between the trees, calling out, "Mom? Dad?" with increasing anxiety when they failed to answer. In the last box, the girl stood on the edge of a cliff, or at least a ledge, looking down.

Lexa flipped to the next page, her stomach in knots and her hand shaking, and she almost dropped the sketchbook, because she found herself staring down at two bodies, broken and bloody on the rocks. The image took up the entire page, and Lexa knew she would see that picture every time she closed her eyes for a long, long time. 

Clarke flipped to the next page for her, and it was another picture that took up the whole page: the little girl, her mouth wide open, and in big, bold letters across the top, a single word: HELP

The next page went back to boxes, and at first Lexa thought they were all the same, but then she realized that in some of them, there was a sun in the sky, and others there was a moon, and Madi was showing the passage of time as the little girl kept yelling for help. And then she noticed that each time the girl was smaller, and her cry for help was too.

There were four days, and four nights, and by the last night, the girl's cry was barely there.

On the fifth day, people arrived, and the little girl stood surrounded by them, her mouth wide open like she was still screaming, but the word HELP was trapped in her belly and wouldn't come out. 

And then she was in a car, and then she was in a room with a big lock on the door, and she peered out of a tiny window at other children playing, and then she was at a picnic.

Lexa flipped to the next page, and there was their family again: Madi and Aden and Clarke and Lexa and Cricket. And then there was woods, and Clarke and Lexa and Aden and Cricket disappearing into the trees, and Madi standing in the parking lot all alone, HELP still trapped in her belly, but this time she didn't even open her mouth to try shouting, because what good had it done?

Lexa pulled Madi into her, wrapping her arms around her and gathering her up, holding her as tightly as she dared. "Oh Madi," she whispered, her tears soaking into the little girl's hair. "Oh Madi..."

Clarke recovered more quickly than Lexa did... maybe she'd already figured some of this out, or maybe she was just able to compartmentalize better. "That's not going to happen," she told Madi. "We're not going anywhere. We're not ever going to leave you alone." 

Madi sniffed and reached out an arm, and Clarke wrapped them both in a hug, and then Lexa felt Aden against her back, and she tipped her head toward his. From the way he was sniffling and the red rimming his eyes, she assumed he had picked up the dropped sketchbook and flipped through it too. 

Never one to be left out, Cricket poked her nose into the four-way embrace, wriggling until she managed to put herself in the center of it, and Madi made a sound that at first Lexa thought was a hiccup, until she realized that no, it was a laugh. Somehow, in spite of everything, their goofy dog had made her giggle.

A bubble burst in Lexa's chest, and she buried her face in Clarke's shoulder as she cried, because if Madi could laugh even after being forced to confront the absolute worst days of her life, to relive them for their benefit, there was hope. Not just for Madi, but for all of them, individually and as a family. If Madi could find light in the midst of all that darkness, there was nothing they couldn't face, as long as they had each other. 

Which gave her an idea. She carefully disentangled herself from the hug and held out a hand to Madi. "Come on, brave girl," she said. She nodded for Clarke to take her other hand, and Aden held Cricket's leash and attached himself to Lexa's other side. Slowly, step by balking step, they got closer to the trail. "Just one step," Lexa said. "Just one step into the woods, and then we'll turn around and go home. I just want you to see that we can go in and come back out again. All of us."

Madi shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. Her lips shaped the word 'No' but no sound came out. 

"Just one step," Lexa said again. "I know you can do it. You're the strongest, bravest girl I know, and we'll be right there with you. I promise."

Madi shook her head again, but when Lexa stepped forward, so did she. Her eyes squeezed tight as they stepped into the shade of the trees, and Lexa could feel her shaking, trembling like the last leaves clinging to the trees, shading from crimson and gold into umber. "It's okay," Clarke told her softly. "Open your eyes." 

Madi cracked one eye open, then the other, and looked in every direction, including up. Lexa couldn't begin to guess what she was thinking, but they were all still there, watching her and waiting while she absorbed the fact that the trees had not eaten them alive.

"Now we can go back," Lexa said, when Madi's grip relaxed enough that Lexa's bones weren't grating against each other. And they turned and stepped back into the light.

* * *

"You look like you've been through the wringer," Luna said quietly. "Everything all right?"

Lexa glanced around. Clarke was helping Tris with a project that had been outside of Anya's area of expertise, and Aden had offered to help Derrick in the kitchen. Anya was entertaining Jakey and the girls had disappeared upstairs to Adria's room. Confident that no one was listening in to their conversation, she shook her head and gave Luna a brief rundown of the day before.

Luna's arms were around her before she even finished the story, and Lexa sagged against her, accepting her support both figuratively and literally. "I'm sorry," Luna said. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"Not much," Lexa admitted. They'd put Madi to bed when she'd gotten so tired she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore, but she'd been awake again less than an hour later, soaked in sweat and howling for her parents. Parents who were never coming back, and Lexa wondered if she and Clarke would ever really be able to fill in the hole their deaths had left in Madi's life, even a little bit. Madi seemed to accept them, to see the four of them – five if you counted Cricket – as a family, but with drawings only being able to convey so much, the nuances of how she regarded that relationship were lost, at least to Lexa. 

When they'd gotten her settled again and checked on Aden (who had managed to sleep through it by falling asleep with headphones on, maybe having anticipated something like this was coming), they'd gone back to bed themselves, but sleep had been elusive. So they'd talked about the pseudo-argument they'd had earlier, and Lexa's frustration at feeling like she didn't know how to reach Madi, her feelings of inadequacy as a parent and her doubts about whether things would ever get better. They'd talked about the helplessness Clarke had felt when Madi had had a complete meltdown, and their concern about whether this was a trauma Madi could actually overcome, and their worries about what it might be doing to Aden to have so much of the focus on Madi most of the time. They'd talked about the need to communicate and not assume, and the need for them to take breaks from the kids for their own mental health, and for the health of their relationship with each other. They'd talked until they were so tired words started to lose meaning...

And then had to get up and deal with a sobbing Madi again. 

After the third time she woke up, they'd given up and just tucked her into bed between them, and she'd finally slept, but they hadn't. Not much, anyway. 

"At least you know now," Luna said. "That's something."

Lexa nodded, her forehead rocking against her sister's shoulder. "It's something." She just didn't know what. Clarke had already called Madi's therapist to set up an emergency session on Monday, where she would – with Madi's permission – share the story she'd shown them. One of the biggest questions they'd all had since Madi came into their lives was how much she'd seen, and how long she'd been in the woods by herself before she was found. Now they had answers, which should be a good thing, but Lexa wondered if it would really make a difference. 

"I wish I had some magic trick to make things easier," Luna said. 

"I know." Lexa sighed. "Does it ever get easier?"

"Yes," Luna said. "It does." 

And she sounded so sure, and she had so much more experience, both dealing with the foster children who'd come through her home in the past, and with her own trauma, that Lexa believed her. 

"I can't promise it will be quick," Luna said, "or that progress will be in a straight line. There will be setbacks. There will be days where it feels like you're back at square one... or even worse off than where you started."

"Like yesterday," Lexa said.

"Like yesterday," Luna agreed. "But know that it's all part of the process, and there will be more steps forward than steps back, and you're doing all the right things."

"What if it's not enough?" Lexa asked. "What if we do all the right things and it's still not enough? What if in trying to help her, we're hurting Aden? What if—"

"Don't go looking for trouble," Luna said. "All you can do is your best."

"But what if that's not good enough?" Lexa knew she should let it go, but she couldn't. "What if... what if it's all too much? What if we can't handle it? We took on so much, so fast and... and..."

Luna smiled, a soft, knowing expression. "You did," she said. "You took on a lot. And you had your first real test of that yesterday. And you're still here today. You still love her. She still loves you. You still love your kids. You're tired, and your confidence is shaken, and you could use about a million hugs and several desserts, but you're still here. One argument isn't going to break you." At Lexa's doubtful look, Luna rolled her eyes. "It won't," she said. "You were stressed. It happens. You talked through it later, when you were both calmer, right?" Lexa nodded. "Even in the heat of the moment, did you say things you didn't mean? Did you hurt each other, intentionally or un?"

Lexa thought back. Everything about the previous day had started to blur... except the sound of Madi's howls echoing in her ears, and the images of the pictures she'd drawn burned into her brain, and the way she'd felt thrashing in Lexa's arms while Lexa held on for dear life, feeling like they might both fly apart if she didn't hold them together. But no, she hadn't said anything she didn't mean. They hadn't said anything hurtful. It had stung when Clarke had asked her to walk away, but she'd done it to keep things from getting ugly. They'd apologized, even in the moment, and again later, and Lexa didn't hold what had happened against Clarke... only herself.

Which meant she was the only person who could absolve herself of the guilt. 

She could choose to let it go, accept that she was a human being who had limits, and they'd been reached and exceeded the day before, and she'd handled it the best she could. 

Lexa sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, and Luna pulled her into another hug as the tension drained from her. "There," she said softly. "That's better."

Anya got up from where she'd been sitting on the floor with Jake, leaving him to entertain himself for a little while, and sat on Lexa's other side, wrapping her arms around both of them, and Lexa blinked hard against the tears that rose up, but she was too exhausted to put up much of a fight. In the end she accepted the handful of tissues Anya offered her and cried it out in her sisters' arms like she had – like they all had – many times before. 

Her eyes were bloodshot and her nose felt swollen and raw by the time she was done, but she felt lighter. She was drained, but not in a bad way. More like she'd purged toxins from her body, and now she could work on rebuilding her reserves of good energy. 

Aden poked his head in from the kitchen to tell them dinner was ready but stopped when he saw Lexa. "Are you okay?" he asked instead, then bit his lip like he wished he could take the words back. 

"I'm okay," she told him, disentangling herself from Luna and Anya and standing up. She reached out to ruffle his hair, but he ducked away, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. "What did you make? Something good, I hope."

"It's _always_ something good!" Adria said, clattering down the stairs with Madi at her heels. "Because Dad is the best cook!" She threw her arms around Derrick, and he scooped her up and spun her around, then set her down again. 

Madi came over and tugged on Lexa's sleeve, holding out her arms. Lexa crouched to get her arms under Madi's, then lifted her up, giving her a twirl as well before plunking her back down on her feet rather less gracefully than Derrick had Adria. Madi grinned and ran to her usual place at the table between Clarke and Adria. 

Clarke sidled up and slid her arm around Lexa's waist, and Lexa settled hers around Clarke's shoulders. "I love you," Lexa said, pressing a kiss to Clarke's head, and then her lips as she looked up at her. 

"I know," Clarke said, smirking, and Lexa laughed. After the hiking disaster, they'd let Aden pick out some movies to watch when they got home, not wanting him to completely lose out on getting to do what he wanted for the day. He'd decided on the original Star Wars trilogy, and apparently Clarke had decided she was Han Solo. 

They went to their seats, and soon they were all digging into the lasagna and salad and garlic bread Derrick and Aden had put together. Lasagna had always been one of Lexa's favorites, and since Derrick used her mom's sauce recipe, it always reminded her of home, and family, going back to when she was between Madi and Aden's age, when she'd first started to really understand what those words could mean.

"I did the garlic bread," Aden said proudly. "The bread was already made though. By the store. But Derrick says for Thanksgiving we can make bread – rolls – from scratch. He'll teach me how." 

"What about me?" Adria asked. "Will you teach me, Dad?"

"Of course," Derrick said. "I'll make sure anyone who wants to have a job has one." Madi pointed to her chest, and Derrick nodded. "Yes, Madi. You too." 

Madi smiled down into her lasagna. 

Lexa cleared her throat, and everyone turned to look at her. She glanced at Clarke, and Clarke nodded. "About that," she said. "Thanksgiving. We were thinking we would like to host it this year."

Derrick's face fell, but he quickly hid his disappointment. "Oh," he said. "All right." He looked at Luna, for reassurance or confirmation. 

"You can still cook!" Lexa said hastily. "We won't take that away from you!" She smiled at her brother-in-law. "We were just thinking that you two have us over every week, and you do Christmas Eve, and it might be nice for you to have a break. And with the family growing, and the new house... we thought maybe it was time to start some new traditions." 

Luna nodded without even a token protest, and Lexa wondered if she wasn't relieved to have one less holiday to worry about and clean up after. Maybe it would be worthwhile to talk about hosting some of their Sunday get-togethers, too, especially with Aden and Madi's love of helping out in the kitchen. 

"Well if I still get to cook..." Derrick said, drawing it out like he really wasn't sure about the possible change to the usual routine, but Lexa could see he was fighting back a smile. "And if I'll still have all my helpers..."

"You will!" Adria said, and Madi and Aden and, a little more reluctantly, Tris, nodded. 

"We have a nice kitchen," Aden said. "And we can show you where everything else."

"Then I guess I can't think of any reason to object to a change in venue," Derrick finally acquiesced.

Conversation turned to what should be on the Thanksgiving menu, beyond turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes. 

"Cranberry sauce!" Tris said. "Just don't eat it right after you drink milk!" 

"We could do that," Derrick said. "I'm sure I can find a recipe."

Tris shook her head. "Ugh, no way! You have to get the kind in the can! The jelly kind that when you pop it out it still has the ridges." She grinned. 

"She's not wrong," Anya said. "The chunky kind is—"

"Delicious," Luna interrupted, shooting Anya a look. Lexa knew that Luna didn't actually like the stuff, but she also didn't want to discourage Adria or any of the other kids from trying new things. "We can have both." 

"Green beans," Aden said. "Not the casserole. My mom made fresh ones with like... garlic and almonds? I think? Maybe those were two different times. But they were good."

"We can do green beans," Derrick said. "That's easy."

"Pie," Adria said, grinning. "Apple and pumpkin and chocolate pudding and—"

"I think three pies is enough," Luna said. 

"But there's lots of us!" Adria protested. She quickly counted the people at the table, her lips moving until she announced, "Ten! If you cut each pie into eight pieces, that's only..." She paused for a second, her forehead furrowing, until Madi flashed two fingers, then four. "Twenty-four! That's only..." She frowned again. "Well it's not enough for everyone to have a piece of all the kinds!"

"Or," Anya pointed out, "you could cut each pie into ten pieces. They wouldn't be that much smaller."

"Oh," Adria said, considering. "I mean, I _guess_..."

"What about Malachi?" Lexa asked Luna, trying to keep her voice down to not distract from the pie debate. "Are he and his wife coming?"

"I don't know," Luna said. They hadn't come to a Sunday dinner since the Easter debacle. "They might be going to her family's house." Even with years of experience, Lexa couldn't really read the expression on her sister's face. She knew Luna and Malachi had talked after Easter, but Luna had shut Lexa and Anya down when they asked about it soon after, and neither of them had asked again. Luna would tell them when she was ready. 

"Should I invite him anyway?" Lexa asked. 

Luna lifted a shoulder, let it fall in a defeated half-shrug. "That depends if you want him in your house or not." 

Lexa wrinkled her nose, then quickly smoothed out her features. That _was_ the question, wasn't it? She and Malachi had never gotten along particularly well, although they'd done their best to be civil for Luna's benefit. Maybe it would be better to just let this one go... "I'll talk to Clarke," she said. 

Luna nodded, turning her attention back to the conversation the rest of the family was having. 

"What is _that_?" Tris asked, looking curiously at Madi's whiteboard that she was scrawling on. "It looks like a brain!"

Madi stuck her tongue out at Tris. She added some leaves, and Lexa guessed, "Is it a cauliflower?" Madi nodded vigorously and went on to draw what looked like a tiny cabbage. "Is that a Brussels sprout?" Lexa asked. "You like _Brussels sprouts_?" Madi nodded again. She drew some other vegetables, then a pan, then an oven. 

"Are you... roasting them?" Derrick asked. "Cutting up all of the vegetables and putting them in a pan with some oil and putting them in the oven until they get soft and brown?"

Madi nodded, beaming at him. 

"Roasted seasonal vegetables," Derrick said. "We can definitely do that." He looked at Clarke and Lexa. "Your daughter has quite a sophisticated palate."

Clarke laughed. "You should have seen her when we took them out for sushi," she said. "She wanted to try everything!" 

"I think she just wanted to make sure we ordered enough so it came in a boat," Lexa teased, and Madi gave her a look that was clearly supposed to be angelic, but fell mischievously short of the mark. 

"But she didn't like the fish eggs," Aden said. "Her face was like—" He did an imitation of the slightly horrified, puckered face Madi had made when one of the big orange roe popped on her tongue, and everyone laughed. 

"What was your favorite?" Anya asked. 

"Mine?" Aden asked. "I liked the crab roll. Even though I know it's not really crab."

Madi drew a picture of a shrimp dipped in batter, then patted her stomach. 

"Tempura shrimp," Clarke translated. "We ended up ordering more so that the rest of us could have some." 

"Note to self," Derrick said. "Buy extra shrimp for Christmas Eve."

* * *

"Do you think she'll sleep tonight?" Lexa asked, after they'd tucked Madi in with lots of extra hugs and kisses and her favorite stuffed animals nestled around her. (She only had a few, all new since she'd moved in with them, and they were all her favorites.) 

"Do you think we will?" Clarke countered. 

Lexa slid her arms around her wife and pulled her in close. "If she does, I will," she said. "I'm exhausted." 

"Me too," Clarke said, but it turned out they had enough energy left to make sure their brains were surging with endorphins as they drifted off to sleep, their inadvisably naked limbs tangled. 

They managed a few hours before they had to get up, dragging on pajamas quickly before going to Madi's room, where she was trying to struggle free of her blankets. Clarke rushed to her, pulling her into her arms and murmuring reassurances into her ear until she was calm again. "Do you want to talk about it?" Clarke asked. 

Madi shook her head, then held out one arm to Lexa, still clinging to Clarke with the other. Lexa sat on the bed, almost squashing Madi's feet in the process, and let the little girl curl her arm around her neck in what was more chokehold than hug. "I'm right here," Lexa said. "I'm not going anywhere."

Madi sniffled, then looked around frantically.

"Aden's in his room," Lexa reassured her. _Hopefully sleeping._ When Madi still didn't seem convinced, Lexa picked her up and carried her – even though she was too big, really – to the room next door, pushing the door open just a crack so that Madi could see her brother in his bed, his arm over Cricket like a big, breathing teddy bear. "Everyone is here," Lexa told her. "Everyone's safe."

Madi rested her cheek against Lexa's shoulder, her sweaty forehead pressed into her neck. Lexa carried her back to her room, where Clarke had changed the sheets and smoothed the blankets back, and they tucked her in for the second time, staying with her until her eyelids closed and didn't open again. 

"It will get better," Lexa said, speaking to herself and Clarke as much as Madi. "Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but it _will_ get better."

Clarke took Lexa's hand and pulled her up, leading her back to their room where she shut and locked the door behind them. These days they usually left it open a crack so they could hear Madi if she started crying in her sleep, but Clarke clearly had plans she didn't want to be interrupted. 

Before, their kisses and caresses had been soft and sleepy. This time, it was as if Clarke wanted to devour Lexa, to tear into her and swallow her whole, to erase all evidence that they were two different people in two different skins, and Lexa didn't know where it was coming from, but there was a time for talking and this clearly wasn't it. So she just surrendered, and let herself be taken, let herself be consumed, let all boundaries blur until the entire world was just them, two halves of one whole that was a sum greater than its two parts. 

And then they slept, heavy and hard and deep.

* * *

Abby hadn't met Madi. Somehow, Lexa had forgotten that Clarke's mother had never met her granddaughter, and vice versa. "It's okay," she reassured Madi as she peered out from behind her. "This is Clarke's mom." She looked around, then remembered Clarke had run out for a few last-minute ingredients before Derrick arrived to start cooking up a storm. (Or finish, because according to Luna he'd started on things that could be made ahead of time three days ago.) 

"Sorry I'm early," Abby said. "My flight was delayed and I just got in and it didn't make sense to go to the hotel only to turn right back around to come here." 

"It's fine," Lexa said. "Let me take your coat." 

"I've got it," Abby said. She removed it and hung it up on one of the pegs near the door. They had a coat closet, but it was mostly used to store out-of-season items. The coats (and hats and gloves and scarves and shoes and boots and bags and...) they wore regularly lived on the pegs and in the cubbies beneath them. She looked back at Lexa, clearly unsure what to do or say without her daughter there.

"Abby," Lexa said, "this is Madi. Madi, this is Clarke's mother Abby."

Abby offered Madi her hand, but Madi didn't take it. "Nice to meet you," Abby said, letting the offered hand drop. "I've heard so much about you." 

Madi waved, pressing herself harder into Lexa's side and looking up at her. Lexa smoothed her hair. "It's okay," she said. "Do you want to go play with Cricket in the backyard until Clarke gets home?"

Madi nodded, bolting for the back door and disappearing through it. Lexa watched as she grabbed a tug toy, waving it at Cricket and engaging her in an epic game of tug-o-war that saw them dragging each other all over the yard. 

"Aden's in the kitchen," Lexa said. "He's taking his sous chef responsibilities very seriously." 

Abby went in to say hello, and Lexa followed. "I love what you've done with the place," Abby said. "It feels so warm and welcoming." 

"Thank you," Lexa said. "That's Clarke's doing. I let her and the kids handle most of the décor decisions." 

Abby looked at her and smiled. "I wouldn't give her _all_ of the credit," she said. "It's not just about the furniture and the art on the walls. You can decorate a place with all the trappings of comfort and still have it not feel like a home. It's all about the hearts living inside the walls that does that."

Lexa felt her cheeks grow warm, not sure how to respond. She'd overheard bits and pieces of conversations between Clarke and her mom, and she knew they'd been talking more than in the past, but she didn't know all of what they talked about. But given Abby's past doubts about their relationship, and whether they were taking things too far, too fast... this felt like progress. "Thank you," she said. "It's—the house has treated us well so far."

The door opened, and Lexa heard the rustling of bags, then, "Honey! I'm home!" A wave of relief washed over her, and she went to greet Clarke at the door, helping her with the bags. 

"Hi Mom," Clarke said, hugging her as soon as her hands were free. "I'm really glad you could come." 

"Me too," Abby said. 

"Where's Madi?" Clarke asked. 

"Back yard with the dog," Lexa said. "She was getting a little overwhelmed." 

Clarke nodded. "I'll go let her know I'm home." 

"Everyone else will be getting here soon," Lexa said. She looked at Abby. "Brace yourself."

* * *

Within the hour, the house was a whirlwind of conversation and activity. Anya had brought Raven, bringing the total to twelve, plus one dog. Lexa had, in the end, reached out to Malachi, but he'd confirmed they already had plans. He had mentioned seeing them at Christmas, though, so at least he planned to show up for that. Whatever else was going on in their lives, whatever disagreements they might have, Lexa knew it would have hurt Luna if her brother had skipped out in Christmas. 

"I _knew_ we should have had more pies," Adria said when she saw there were extra people. 

"You mean like... this one?" Raven asked, pulling one from a bag. 

"Oooh, what kind?" Adria asked. 

"Lemon meringue," Raven said. 

Madi's eyes went wide, and she rushed over to peer into the carrier that kept the pie safely contained. She pointed to the pie, then herself, making a puckered face, then reached as if she was going to take the pie, stealing the whole thing for herself. 

"You have to share," Clarke told her, laughing. 

Madi pouted. 

"Sorry, babe," Clarke said. "That's what Thanksgiving is all about."

Madi gave her a Look and reached for the marker in her pocket to start drawing on other dry erase board. 

"Let's just pretend," Clarke said. "This is what I get for teaching her about what it was _really_ like when the pilgrims arrived and started taking over Wampanoag land..." 

Madi heaved a huge sigh, then started to grin, her eyes glinting as she quickly sketched. She showed the board to Clarke. On it she had drawn two pieces of lemon meringue pie, an equal sign, and herself with an X over her mouth. The meaning was clear: the price of her silence was extra pie.

"You've got yourself a deal," Clarke said, and they shook on it. 

"Smart girl," Abby said, having observed the exchange. 

"You have no idea," Clarke said. "Sometimes I can barely keep up."

"I'm pretty sure that's the curse that all parents wish upon their children when they're at their most trying: I hope someday you have a child just like you. _Then_ you'll understand." She waited until Madi had gone into the kitchen to help Derrick with whatever tasks he had come up with for the kids, then smiled a bit sadly. "Even at your worst, though, you were easier than she is at her best."

Clarke's expression darkened. "You barely know her," she said. "You don't know what she's like at her worst, or her best. Just because—"

Abby held up her hands. "You're right. I just know what you've told me, which is that it hasn't always been easy."

"And it hasn't always been hard," Lexa said. "Just like any kid."

Abby nodded. "Of course," she said. "Do you mind if I go sit?"

"Go ahead," Clarke said, her face still creased in a scowl. 

Lexa reached out, squeezing her upper arm, and Clarke stepped into her, leaning into the embrace. "She's trying," Lexa said. "That's all any of us can do, right?"

"If she says anything to upset Madi..." Clarke shook her head. 

Lexa smoothed back her hair. "Then we'll deal with it," she said. "It's not as if she might not do that even if Madi talked as much as Adria." Who they could hear chattering in the living room even from here. 

"True," Clarke said. "I just... want things to be easy for once, I guess."

"Then you joined the wrong family," Lexa said, and instantly regretted the words. "I mean—"

"I know," Clarke said, tipping her face up and kissing her. "I know what you mean. But being part of this family – crazy as it is, complicated as it is – it's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. If I had to pick one thing that I'm most thankful for this year, it's meeting you. Because none of this—" she gestured around them, "would have happened without that. And even on the nights when we barely sleep, and the days where I have to take a step back and let Madi just do whatever she wants for a while because I feel like everywhere I turn I'm running into a brick wall, even when the dog's barking and dinner's burning and Aden has a project due tomorrow that he forgot he needed to go to the library for and Madi got paint all over her favorite shirt because she didn't put on a smock even after I told her to three times and your meeting ran late so now you're stuck in traffic... I wouldn't trade any of it. Not for anything."

"Not even when the kids make gagging noises when I kiss you?" Lexa asked. "Not even when Anya rolls her eyes and tells us to get a room?"

Clarke shook her head in mock solemnity. "Not even then."

"Good," Lexa said, "because they're about to."


End file.
